The Ultimate Quest for Suedom
by halfelvenmedea
Summary: All Sally ever wanted to do was to go to Middle Earth, marry Legolas and live happily ever after. In other words she wanted to be the epitome of the MarySue character. Unfortunately things aren't working out so well.
1. Sally's Dilemma

As a warning this was written in absolute boredom so any weird things must be excused...this may be one of my crappier fanficts but I am going to have fun writing it! And all randomness must be forgiven! So please R&R! And I'm sorry if this scares you people.

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**Disclaimer: **I own nothing, but I can pretend right?

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Sally woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. She'd had that dream again. The one where she was making out with Legolas. Dang he was hot! Oh she had tried to find a way to middle earth, but it had never quite worked out for her. Her one goal in life was to be the epitome of the Mary Sue! There were only a couple of problems.

a.) She had boring sandy cut up to her ears hair. Nothing like the flowing raven hair she wanted.

b.) She couldn't sing worth crap. People covered their ears in horror when she started screeching.

c.) She was incredibly short

d.) She never found herself in any of the situations any typical Mary-Sues found themselves in.

e.) Her mother refused to let her change her name to Talathwen Alatariel.

f.) Her mother also refused to let her dye her hair or get extensions.

Sally was forced to cut her hair ever couple of weeks, her mother thought short hair looked better on her than long hair. She was not allowed to dye her hair though she had tried to convince her mother to allow her.

"Mother dearest, may I please dye my hair?"

"No. You have lovely hair, and I never dyed my hair until I was in my late thirties."

"But!"

"No."

Then one day something amazing happened! She was reading her Lord of the Rings book when suddenly Legolas appeared in the doorway!

"OMG! You're Legolas!"

"Of course I am. Who are you, homely child of men?"

"Homely?"

"You are not fit to be in my sight."

"But! But!"

"Fare you well!"

And then he disappeared. So far things were not working out for Sally.

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**Ellinde: **Okay, I am sorry. Really. But like I said I was bored. And I don't really think that Legolas would act like that. I love him. Alright so please read and review, If I get a good enough response I might decide to update...and I'll give you cookies. 


	2. The Fanfiction Fairy

**Ellinde: **Apparently a lot of you people liked this story...so I am going to reward all of you by updating! I am really bored because I'm in typing so again excuse this...and I hope you like it...and here's some cookies!

**Disclaimer: **I own none of the T.L.O.T.R. stuff in this fanfict...but the Fanfiction Fairy is mine.

Sally had been spending days moping about the house after her particularly bad run in with Legolas. Her mother had been noticing it and was getting tired of it all.

"Must you be so depressed? I mean really what's all this about anyway? Why don't you go and take some dance classes? Girls your age like dance don't they?"

"No mom! I am not going to dance lessons! They don't do ballet in Middle Earth."

"In where?"

"Ummmm...no where."

"Have you been reading those blasted books again? Get your head out of the clouds there IS NO MIDDLE EARTH! Go to the mall or something! Hang out with people your own age! You have no chance of going into those books so quit moping about it!" At that her mother shoved her out of the house and into the yard.

Sally was not pleased, her mother's tirade had only made matters worse, she began to walk down the street sadly staring at her feet. She started to singing "All shall fade" but one of her neighbors got annoyed and threw a pot at her head.

"SHUT UP!" they screamed

Sally looked dejectedly at her feet. She went to the park next to the lake near her house and sat on one of the swings. There was no one else about and suddenly the sound of a thousand harps was heard. Sally wasn't sure that she was really hearing it or if she was finally going crazy. Then a gorgeous woman descended from the clouds. It looked like Luthien herself. She had long black hair, fair pale skin, and a gorgeous dress that was flowing behind her. She was perfect. When she spoke it was like the sound of music echoing off rocks, like the coming of water to a desert when all was dry, (or so Sally later said.) This woman was the Mary-Sue. The hair, the voice, the music, it was amazing!

"Hello daughter of men!" said the woman

"Uh hi!" said Sally feeling very uncultured and stupid

"I have been sent by Eru to help you on your quest!"

"My quest...? Oh yeah! Wait...who are you?"

"Me? Well I thought you knew! I am the fanfiction fairy Elliniel Arasuthiel! I help all girls who want to become like me!"

"So you are where all Mary-Sues come from?"

"Mary-Sues? No! I transport girls like you to Middle Earth and help them be beautiful!"

"Yeah...some people are really going hate you."

"Hate me?"

"Erm...yes. Do you think you could help me?"

"Well let's have a look." Elliniel looked Sally up and down and then asked Sally to sing.

She screeched out some notes and the Elliniel clamped a firm hand over her mouth.

"Thank you that's enough! Wow. You are hopeless! Eru told me I had my work cut out for me, but I wasn't expecting this...This is going to take some serious work! You are so...so..I am sorry dear but Legolas was right, you are homely."

"So you can't help me?"

"Of course I'll help you. I owe it to your neighbors as community service! It's just going to take some work."

**Ellinde: **Alright so if I get reviews I'll update again! I hope you enjoy this!


	3. The Great Change

**Ellinde: **Sorry for not updating for a while! I decided to devote some time to writing my novel, I really didn't mean to neglect you!

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"So Elliniel, do you really think you can help me?" asked Sally

"But of course! First you must learn to dance!"

"Uhhh..."

"Now, follow me! And one two three and one two three and one two three and one!"

"Gahhh!" screamed Sally. "I've never taken dance in my life! I cant just follow you like that! I don't know what the heck I'm doing!"

"Oh but I do!" said Elliniel.

"I know you do! But How is that supposed to help me?"

"hmmmm...I'm not really sure! But all of the other girls did perfectly fine when I did this with them."

"Hello! Not normal girl!"

"Of course..."

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Elliniel was getting frustrated with this Edain girl. She had no earthly Idea what she was doing. She was and embarrassment to the entire race! Sally...or whatever her name was, was a lost cause in her opinion, but Eru commanded her to help her. (What he possibly saw in this girl she had no Idea).

_Why god why_? Elliniel thought to herself.

_This has to be Vanna's doing! She always was jealous of me! And now if I cant fix this girl I'll lose my place in Valinor! It simply isn't fair!

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"Hello!"

"Do what? Oh sorry Sally! I zoned out there for a second. Now let's try you with singing again. Follow me. DO RE MI!"

"Do re mi!" screeched Sally loudly

"Or not..." said Elliniel "Can you speak any elvish?"

"No."

"Can you do needlework?"

"No." said Sally

"What! Oh you're hopeless! I don't care what Eru says! You are too hopeless for me to work with! Sorry sally! You just aren't cut out for Middle Earth!"

"And with that Elliniel was gone and I was left here on earth!"

"I see sally," said my therapist. "lets try some new medicine for that okay!"

"No really! I'm not crazy! I'm not! BELIEVE ME SOMEONE!"

**THE END

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**Ellinde: **So what do you think? Review please!


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